The Open Book Podcast w Jay & Nia Floyd
Welcome to "The Open Book Podcast," where real talk meets real life. Join us, a dynamic couple with a knack for authentic and lively discussions, as we dive into the complexities of love, family, and personal growth. Each episode explores topics like marriage dynamics, financial management, health challenges, and cultural issues, all served up with a healthy dose of humor and heart. Whether you're navigating your own relationships or just love a good conversation, we're here to share, inspire, and keep it real. Tune in to join our community of listeners who are as thoughtful and curious as they are diverse.
The Open Book Podcast w Jay & Nia Floyd
Our Love Story: The Beginning
Sometimes life throws you curveballs that land you back in places you never expected—like a college algebra class. That's where our story began, and we're inviting you to pull up a chair as we, Jay and Nia Floyd, unravel the threads of our 12-year marriage in a series of heart-to-hearts. From the first flirty glances across a classroom to the crucial conversations that have shaped our journey, we're bearing it all. You'll witness the evolution of a romance that endured the highs, lows, and the ultimate test of a six-month break.
Have you ever considered the significance of weekly check-ins with your partner? Join us as we share the cornerstone practice that transformed our relationship and gave us a second chance at love. This isn't just about the sweet nothings; we're getting into the nitty-gritty of communication, confronting fears, and the art of blending families. Our candid discussions are sure to resonate with anyone who's navigated the complex dance of a committed relationship. Expect to find laughter, tears, and perhaps a new perspective on the trials and triumphs of love.
As we close this chapter of Open Book Podcast, the raw and unfiltered exchanges between Nia and me reflect the wisdom gleaned from over a decade of togetherness. We talk about the importance of asserting self-worth and setting boundaries, the emotional maturity required to navigate friendship and romantic rekindling, and the beautiful, unpredictable dance of life and love. So, whether you're in the throes of a new romance, weathering a storm in your long-term relationship, or just love a good love story, our experiences might just have the insights you've been searching for.
Welcome everybody to the open book podcast. This podcast is, um, actually we, we really didn't write nothing, we're just going. We're going to come in here and be ourselves. My name is Jay Floyd.
Speaker 2:My name is Nia Floyd, my beautiful wife over there. Ooh, thank you handsome.
Speaker 1:You know the dopest thing about this. I kind of set this cheers up so, cause we gotta be able to see.
Speaker 2:We gotta look at each other's eyes.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it changes the energy when you can see each other it does so I think that's really important. So again y'all, welcome to the open book welcome we're gonna do something. Uh, that's really us.
Speaker 2:I was gonna say it's different, but I don't know if it's different because we don't, I don't really know who else does this. Well, this is our first time doing it, so it is so.
Speaker 1:We're just gonna rock, we're just gonna do us um. A lot of people have told us we should do a podcast. Uh, I created a song dedicated to amazing song yes, it was on my last album, which is called what's good, which y'all should go by absolutely immediately. Yes, right now I think I even diss drake in it, no no but if that will make y'all go listen to it, I just drake and kendrick no they don't even know.
Speaker 2:If you're looking for some authentic hip that's going to really speak to your mind and have you vibing, go pick up the album. You ain't got no diss records over here. We got some knowledge records over here. We ain't in that mess, you see that.
Speaker 1:You see that? Now, that's what I'm talking about, that's having a better half.
Speaker 2:Keeping me together, man.
Speaker 1:So yo again. I'm Jay Floydyd. This is my beautiful wife, nia, and this podcast we're really going to talk about topics that relate to marriage being married honest.
Speaker 2:we're gonna be honest, very transparent, because I think we both think that's very important when you know if we're talking about, let's keep it 100 and not be filtering and putting the sugarcoats on it. That's not what we do with one another and that's not what we're going to do here.
Speaker 1:So, yeah, today's topic. We got to start from the beginning. We got to tell you all who we are, how we got here, what is our love story? How did Dania Floyd fall head over heels?
Speaker 2:in love with some dude. Is that what it was?
Speaker 1:What did he do? What's the magic? How did he do it? What'd you do, bae? You know what? I can't reveal all the secrets. We got to have a Patreon or something. Okay, that's what we need.
Speaker 2:The game is to be sold, not told Okay, where do you want to start?
Speaker 1:Oh, man, okay. So how long have we been married? Almost 12 years. Almost 12. A dozen. How long have we known each other, though? Uh about 14 yes, yeah, almost exactly, for actually exactly roughly 14 when we met, um, all right, so yeah.
Speaker 1:So here's. Here's um kind of like what was going on in my life when I stumbled upon this beautiful treasure sitting in front of me. I was a bachelor, you know what I'm saying. I was doing bachelor things. You know, I was a little messed up in the head, a little messed up in the spirit. You know struggle mode a little bit. I had this nice job, right Like. I worked this job since I was like in college and it was dope, right. I was like man, I got a corporate job. I'm learning the corporate world. I worked there for like 12 years, man. And then I was like, you know, like I said, I was messed up, little wayward. I was like taking my company's laptop and using it to be the DVD man in the hood, so I was like using that laptop at home.
Speaker 1:I'm like downloading movies, software, photoshop.
Speaker 2:Word Microsoft.
Speaker 1:And then I come to work and they had bought me a laptop with a DVD burner on it, so I'm burning copies of these.
Speaker 2:I'm like printing up all the movies that I sell to people and I'm selling them like two for five Doing too much and I'm thinking man too much, two for five Doing too much.
Speaker 1:And I'm thinking man, this is easy, I get paid to do this, this is great. And they caught me.
Speaker 2:Yeah, it's easy. All right, he didn't look at his employee handbook that is fact.
Speaker 1:That is so fact, because I was so blindsided when they caught me in the office and fired me. So after 12 years of, you know, rocking and rolling, I had to figure something else out. So I actually went to this job fair um and tried to get a job. At school that I had once gone to DeVry Institute. I had gone there way back in the day like 96. 96. I went there for like a year. I didn't graduate, just went there for a year. So I was like you know, I saw them with a little kiosk and I'm like oh hey, y'all remember me. I went here, give me a job. And they were like you don't have a bachelor's degree, brody, you can't work here.
Speaker 2:You got to put in that work.
Speaker 1:And I was like, oh, they were like well, you can sign up for some classes to get that degree, and then maybe we'll hire you.
Speaker 2:So I was like okay.
Speaker 1:So I signed up. They gave me a couple of classes to take. I had to take out some massive student loans just to take like two classes.
Speaker 2:It was crazy, yes, from massive student loans just to take like two classes.
Speaker 1:It was crazy, it was a lot of money and so, yeah, I signed up for a couple of classes and one of them was algebra, and I went to the orientation and I'm sitting in the orientation chilling like a villain, falling asleep and thinking about the NBA playoffs because it was right in the middle of, like, lebron's final year nba playoff thing that's happening and this young lady walks in super late, like, like, super late I was, I was tardy, I was, I was flying and get there I mean, it was like families there, like like single moms with like bouncing babies on their laps and stuff, and then the back of the room, this, this, this brown-skinned cutie, walks in and she had like a gap in her team and she was wearing like, I think, like a yellow shirt.
Speaker 1:It's like bright colors, bright yellow and I remember thinking like that chick's late as all get out like what I was.
Speaker 2:Hey, don't be judging me.
Speaker 1:You don't know what I had going on that's facts, that's fact so I, I did register her, right, it wasn't like man, let me go run game, let me get her number, but I it registered like yo, that's a nice looking young lady and she might be like west indian or something, right, like something looks unique, like jamaican or something's going on there, right? I think it was the gap, right? Um, so we I didn't make nothing of it we go to start algebra class and this young lady shows up in my algebra class, so, so I'm like, okay, now I got to do something about this, right, I gotta know. All right.
Speaker 2:So, before you go into that spiel, yes, at the time I was, uh, working full time, I was also single, but I was, um, not looking. I was learning myself and what I enjoyed. I'd just gotten out of a very long relationship and I was really just enjoying my singleness and I had just finished my associate's degree at Indiana Wesleyan and was deciding, like trying to figure out if DeVry would be a good fit for me to finish my bachelor's.
Speaker 1:What did you think about DeVry?
Speaker 2:I thought DeVry was extremely expensive. It was ridiculously expensive. I did not stay after that class and, yes, I did come into orientation late. I don't know. I think I may have been working late. Oh, my job was on the other side of town.
Speaker 1:Thank, you very much, so I think I may have just gotten caught up it's gotta be the reason.
Speaker 2:Yeah, that's it and um, I did not see jay. I did not see him at orientation. I was literally. I walked in late. I was like, oh, I'm late, everybody's looking at me, okay, y'all mind your business. Um, so no, I did not CJ at all. And it's interesting that you thought that I was West Indian or Jamaican, because I have gotten out before. I lived out in Indianapolis for a little bit and, um, I was an out stop, I was an outdoor sales rep, and so we would go to like the colleges and stuff to get people to sign up for credit cards and give them a free gift, and that would be the thing. People would walk up to me and ask me where I was from.
Speaker 1:Ain't too many black people out that way, right?
Speaker 2:No, but I mean in Indianapolis it is.
Speaker 1:It's a lot different in Indianapolis than it is in other cities, and that was a long time ago.
Speaker 2:Yeah, it was very racist outside of Indianapolis. In Indianapolis you saw a lot of multi-racial couples mixed. I mean it was the whole gambit there. But yeah, so I got that quite often of someone thinking that I was African descent. I thought, that's what it was. And I think I had just started. Maybe did I have my braces when we first met, or not yet think he was just getting.
Speaker 1:I don't know.
Speaker 2:I just got him okay, I think maybe I just got him or I was on the way to getting them.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I wasn't close enough to see you because I was like on time for orientation. Oh okay, I was like in the front.
Speaker 2:He was on time, okay you want to say that again one more time, just in case they didn't hear you or know that you was on time, based on your story. Go ahead, I'll give you your time.
Speaker 1:I'm just saying, you know, we got to give them all the details so they can envision this.
Speaker 2:So one of the things that was not mentioned is that I always came to class with major focus on my work. So I normally have my headphones in and was glued to the screen and the class that we were taking the algebra class we were taking it was really kind of work at your own pace, so you could come in whenever you wanted to, as long as you did what you needed to do and you got the assignments in at the time you needed to get them in. So I was kind of in and out. I did not try to make friends, I did not try to make eye contact with anybody. That was not what I was there for. I was there to get that work done and I think at the time too, I was like DeVry is expensive, Let me get this class done so I can figure out where I'm going, because I am not staying here.
Speaker 1:It was pricey, it. I'm going because I am not staying here. It was a lot, yeah. So yeah, let's talk about this focus.
Speaker 2:Yeah, let's talk about the focus.
Speaker 1:Let me tell y'all your audience, who's listening to this? So we started in this algebra class. I don't know how many people was in there.
Speaker 2:It was a full class.
Speaker 1:It was definitely.
Speaker 2:It was a good 30. It was a big class.
Speaker 1:It was so I was typically sitting like in the middle of this class. My beautiful wife Dania was tending to sit off to the right, not you knowing where I sat. Off to the right right.
Speaker 1:She always sat in the same area off to the right side of the class and there was like this group of people behind me and I was kind of social right, like I tend to be a social butterfly sometimes, and so I'm like chopping it up with the people, getting to know them, and they notice me, looking at Dania a lot, right, like they notice my eyes keep popping over there every time she walks in late to the class. I mean walks into the class.
Speaker 2:I just said it was self-paced. You know what?
Speaker 1:Hey y'all, it was self-paced.
Speaker 2:It was.
Speaker 1:That's what it was, even though there was a teacher there and everything he was there for questions. He wasn't helping, he wasn't doing nothing, he was literally just there so, yep, it was a self-paced class, but yeah, so people behind me kind of noticed like yo, this guy right here, the black guy in the middle, he likes that black girl over there on the right right. So they're kind of like yo, when are you gonna say something? To say something to her?
Speaker 1:Like are you going to shoot your shot and I was like yeah, you know when the time is right, you know yada, yada, and so one day you know.
Speaker 2:I was like this is it.
Speaker 1:I'm going to shoot my shot. She came in and I tried to catch eye contact. You know like I'm good with the eye contact and I tried to catch eye contact. You know like I'm good with the eye contact, I'm like. You know. Maybe if she'd look at me I can communicate non-verbally and she wouldn't. I know she's locked in yes, I was. There was times where I'm just like staring a hole into the side of her skull and she just would not look, because I didn't feel it.
Speaker 1:I was filling them numbers so finally, you know the people behind me. It's like a little cheering gallery at this point. They're like do it, do it, do it. So I'm like, okay, I got this. So I walk over and I'm like have I met you before? No, no, no, no, you was like excuse me, excuse me, of course, I'm gonna say do we do we know each other right?
Speaker 2:do we know each other have?
Speaker 1:I met you have.
Speaker 2:I met you before and look, I had to take my headphones off because I was like you talking to me, huh, oh uh. No, I don't think so. I was very kind. I was like I don't think so. And he was very kind. I was like I don't think so, and he was smiling all big. You know, he had the charm all the way on and I was like no, I don't think we know each other. I don't think we've met before.
Speaker 2:Yeah, that's how it went. That's how it went. And then he was like okay. And I was like, okay, have a great day.
Speaker 1:Put my headphones back on. Put the headphones back on.
Speaker 2:Clickety-clack and it was so weird. It was eerie because it was like after he walked off I had to look around because it felt like everybody was watching us.
Speaker 1:They were.
Speaker 2:Like I said, I'm like, I'm in the computer, I ain't paying no attention, so you know. It just felt like why is the air shift?
Speaker 1:in here. It feels weird for me.
Speaker 2:So once I picked my face back up, I walked back to my desk and sat down and everybody's like oh, it's okay, jay, it's gonna be all right you tried, he tried so I didn't see him that much anymore until, uh, I want to say, I came in on an off day and I was in the computer lab um, I think I was making up a test or I was doing something, I don't know and I happened to see him there and we just kind of said hi and kind of kept going. I don't think we really had much.
Speaker 2:You gave me like a pep talk because I was struggling yeah, I think I asked you like how you were doing and what was going on, and you said I don't know. But I told you that you know it would be fine, you'll do well, just keep practicing.
Speaker 2:And I think I asked him like what was his grade, and he was like I'm getting an a and I was like looking at him, like you tripping, like when you, when you're stressed out and where, buddy, okay, I just was like I'm getting an A and I was like looking at him like you tripping, Like when you're stressed out.
Speaker 1:You look like.
Speaker 2:A-wear buddy. Okay, I just was like well you know, if you got an A, you're going to do great.
Speaker 1:And kept moving. Here's full context of it. Right Like in school, growing up I was a straight A student. Right Like I was a gifted student and math was my expertise. I went into college and I didn't have a real good work ethic. I was super lazy. So when I came into college as a freshman I was taking like calculus and so when I got into the corporate world I just stopped going to college. I just stopped going. I got my associate's degree and kept working. So when I lost my job I just panicked and I'm like I got my associate's degree and kept working. So when I lost my job, I just panicked and I'm like I gotta do what it takes to get back on the career trajectory. So, going to DeVry, take this algebra class. But I immediately got another job.
Speaker 1:I bounced right back look at God, I was yeah, exactly because I was like I don't know what I'm gonna do, god, but you put the work in, you put me right back into another position where I was making even exactly Because I was like I don't know what I'm going to do.
Speaker 2:God, you put the work in.
Speaker 1:You put me right back into another position where I was making even more money than I was making at the job. That fired me.
Speaker 2:Blessing.
Speaker 1:So I was like but I'm really trying my best, I'm pouring everything into this job because I'm like this is my lifeline, this is my second chance, so I'm going to put everything into it. So college, at that point, taking this class was like I just wanted to take that class to get a job. But now I got I'm back. So it was kind of an afterthought for me and I was working so much that it was a struggle for me to put in the work that I needed in this class. So I was struggling. I wasn't I really wasn't putting in the time to study any of that stuff. So when it came time to like take the test, I was like let me come in on the weekend, because my weekdays is locked. I'm like struggling. So when I came in on that weekend, there was only like a couple of computers that they had us at and you were right there next to me and it was like I would have liked to follow up and ask you how you doing.
Speaker 2:But I was in struggle mode so I was just like yeah, yeah, I'm just gonna worry about this work, so we've seen each other the last class, because I think that was maybe the weekend prior to the last class and we, so we saw each other last class and you know um, I seen him. I finished my test and I think he was beating on his keyboard and I was leaving, or maybe that was when I seen you on Saturday and she was beating on your keyboard.
Speaker 1:But either way.
Speaker 2:I was leaving, I finished my test and I was leaving, I had to walk past him and I was like, okay, well, you know, take care, see you later. And he was like, all right, have a nice day, dania. And I was like, does he? He know my full name? Because, you know, my name is not common, so most people, when they meet me, sometimes they remember, sometimes I don't, or they don't say it correctly. So he was like, uh, you know, for him to say my full name, to remember it, and we only spoke like once or twice. It was just kind of like, hmm, okay, you remember my name. That's what's up. So, yeah, I'm leaving out of the building and I'm getting in the car, headed out, and I get this text message. I'm on Facebook. I get this Facebook message and I just joined Facebook. I was super late to the game.
Speaker 1:And the Facebook. I was super late to the game um and the message said uh, what'd it say?
Speaker 2:bae, I know you don't think I'm gonna let you get away that easy. I was like who is this? Okay, he got my attention. You see what I'm saying it worked who is this what?
Speaker 1:I tell y'all the game is to be sold and not told so we dated very briefly, very quickly we dated it was probably a couple months we dated.
Speaker 1:It was very fast yeah it was like zero to a hundred but it actually it was like a lot going on for that right. So, right at that time, um, we, we started like texting each other. From that time I reached out to her on Facebook, we started, you know, going hot and heavy with texts back and forth and we had agreed to like meet up on Father's Day.
Speaker 2:Yes, and we were going to go. What was the place we were going to go to? It was a restaurant downtown. It's not open anymore. I can't remember Fat Fish Blue or something like that.
Speaker 1:Yeah, there you go. We were going fat fish blue or something like that. We were gonna go. I'd never been, neither of us had ever been, and that was the plan to go to there. That was a nice restaurant and we didn't make it. We did not make it and that, and so to back up a little bit, uh, dania had been in a long-term relationship. I had also been in a long-term relationship before that, but it had ended a couple of years before I met her and and I had a daughter from that relationship, and so she would come over every morning and then on the weekends.
Speaker 1:So one of the things about Father's Day, obviously, is always on a Sunday. I needed to go get her. My plan is always let me go get my kid to be with her father, and then let me go take both of us to be with my father, right, to kind of bridge those generations, um. So I went to go pick up my daughter and as I'm picking her up literally I'm carrying her to the car I get a call that's like um, your dad got sick, something happened, and it's like yo, I just text with him like pops, I'm coming over Like dad, I'll be over there. He was like, yeah, I'm going to make some ribs, so to get that text was super traumatic.
Speaker 1:So I hop in the car and I just fly across town to the hospital and my dad's in there and me and my daughter get a chance to just talk to him. He seemed cool at the moment but, um, he actually was a lot sicker than we thought and nobody knew and like literally like half an hour after I got there and we talked to him, he passed away. It was just like like that. So it was like a super traumatic day, um, and it was like trying to catch up to everything that just happened, right, like trying to make sense of that whole day was super hard and I think we connected, was it that?
Speaker 2:day or the next day. It was that day. Yeah, rest up, daddy Floyd. Yeah, we did, we. We connected. We went to a park in Cleveland Heights and we stayed in the park the whole night just talking and really just like getting to know each other. And it really just kind of changed things for us because like right after that we kind of just sailed on pretty quickly.
Speaker 2:So, yeah, it was not good timing. It did not last very long in that time frame. So at that time I had started to go to a weekend college at Hiram. They had a weekend college for adults who were working. So I would go every two weeks and stay on campus in the dorms and I enjoyed it. I loved it because, I mean, you could take as many classes as you wanted to Friday, saturday, sunday, and they had seminars and all different types of things you could take to get credits for, like you could get like four credits that day if you take a, you know, an eight hour class. It was insane and amazing and it allowed me to have the college experience, even though, you know, I didn't go to college. I went straight to working once I got out of high school. So it was a really cool experience and, you know, we were kind of just it just wasn't a good time and we did not end on a good note.
Speaker 1:I mean I thought I was pretty cordial, but you know, but wait, we can't tell them the end. We got to tell them our first date.
Speaker 2:Oh yeah, first date, First date. Where did we go? We went to Far East.
Speaker 1:Yeah, no, we didn't. That's not what it's called Pacific East, pacific East Lord.
Speaker 2:We went to Pacific East.
Speaker 1:Was it a sushi place.
Speaker 2:Yeah, it was sushi. We went and had their sushi brunch at my suggestion.
Speaker 1:Yes, yes.
Speaker 2:And he comes up to me and gives me this hug, y'all, and it was a low hug. What was a low hug? Hug, you know? He put, he put his, he put one hand around me and the other one he put on my low back, right, low, low back, to pull me in. I was like, what kind of hug is?
Speaker 1:this. What are the way? What? Because we, we have this conversation all the time, but I never ask you what did it feel like?
Speaker 2:oh, it gave me the wigglies. I was like, ooh, what is this? This is an interesting kind of hug. I mean, you normally don't get this on the first date. What's going on here? I was not ready for that.
Speaker 1:I didn't, even I didn't.
Speaker 2:I wasn't trying to do that, it just was what felt natural. He wasn't so In the moment. This dude was all about astrology. Let me pull out the Zodiac. I got this chart. I got this website I go to to get my astrology readings. Let me pull it out and see what it has to say about you and read me I did. And I don't know what website he went to, but it was pretty accurate and I was like, oh no, this is what are we?
Speaker 1:doing here.
Speaker 2:What are we doing here? I was extremely uncomfortable because that had never happened before. Like you know, normally you go and you chat and you eat, and that was not the case.
Speaker 1:And.
Speaker 2:I was kind of looking like um, this is different, this is odd. That's our cats, y'all here chasing each other around acting crazy. They, if they're not fighting, they're doing something. They got themselves in one of our bags, so that's what that noise is at wrestling. But um, yeah, so it was definitely an interesting first meeting, for sure, yeah.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I got to say. You know we talked about my dad, but my mom rest in peace. To my mom, she was big into astrology. You know she was from Mississippi and they believe that stuff die hard Like so I grew up with that. So not having my mom around one of the things I kept with me, like when I would meet ladies to figure out if they was for me. I do what my mom taught me. She's like look up their charts, see what it is yeah, it was disrespectful I think.
Speaker 1:For me, the biggest thing, because I'm such a uh, I like human behavior and stuff like that um, I like to see a person's response, to see if it's accurate or not, to see how they respond to reading about themselves. To me, that was probably and what'd you get?
Speaker 2:what was my reaction, honey?
Speaker 1:I don't know, I thought you was. You was actually pretty cool about it, although you said some things in that, in that first date that we did not talk about yet. You said I was your husband.
Speaker 2:No, that was not the first date, it was not it was pretty close.
Speaker 1:It was not it was when?
Speaker 2:was it was?
Speaker 1:no, it wasn not the first date. It was not. It was pretty close. It was not. When was it? No, it wasn't the first date. When was it?
Speaker 2:It was a little while later. It was not the first date.
Speaker 1:How far? How far do you think it was?
Speaker 2:I don't know, but I know it wasn't that day. What?
Speaker 1:about you also said that you saw a great man of God in me.
Speaker 2:I did. That was after we talked a couple times. We had went to the, we went to the amphitheater, we saw the.
Speaker 1:Black Keys.
Speaker 2:The Black Keys. So we had went on a few dates before so. I never. I've had that said to me a number of times that you know I could see you being my wife or your wife. How did that feel when people told you that Alarming, I mean, cause I know I felt like I was yeah, I'm wife, material.
Speaker 2:I'm not dating, just to date. But also it would come from these people who had like multiple kids, fresh babies and I'm not talking like older kids, I'm talking about fresh, fresh, fresh out the womb babies Um, and it was just kind of a little alarming and so I had never like I would always just kind of be freaked out a little bit. So to say that to somebody was I think it was really just kind of an impulsive thing to say.
Speaker 1:I was gonna say did you think about it beforehand? I don't think I did.
Speaker 2:I think it just fell out and it was like oh my gosh, what did you just say?
Speaker 1:And.
Speaker 2:I think I said something like you know, don't think I'm a weirdo or think I'm creepy, but I just see I can see myself being with you for a while now. Obviously, in hindsight, I would not recommend you say that to somebody that you haven't been with or you know, you guys haven't had the conversation Cause at the time we hadn't had the conversation. We again, we moved really, really fast.
Speaker 2:And you know, I think that I don't regret saying it. Let me say that I don't regret saying it. That's what I felt. I was being transparent. Did that scare you? Probably so. Yeah, it scared me and you know it definitely probably changed the trajectory of our relationship at the time. But I don't regret saying it at all.
Speaker 1:I think it, um, I don't know if it changed it, I think it's just that was what we had to go through, right? Um, I think you know one of the things about meeting you and talking about you being a Pisces and stuff like that I remember I came over your house and you had this shirt on that said you was psychic and it's like I do think you have that right. So you, you was speaking that right, like we in the moment. It scared me and it probably was even weird for you to say but it's one of those things, it was true yeah.
Speaker 2:I mean yeah, it was, and I mean it was just kind of like, well, I mean it's out there. So we'll see where this goes and it didn't go very far. After that things kind of went on the sour end. Um, you know, I was like I said I wasn't dating the date. I wasn't um, I was dating to be a wife yeah, and I was dating the date and at the time it just wasn't good timing and I think um something happened.
Speaker 2:I don't know exactly what happened, but I told you that you reneged like I asked you to do something and you said that you would, and then you was like no, I ain't doing it. And I was just like what? And so it kind of caused this big argument. And, um, so we just agreed that you know we wouldn't see each other, that we would just be friends. And so I went to your show. You and speed had a show well, wait, a second.
Speaker 1:Wait, we got it. We got because we got to say it right, right, like this wasn't a, we agreed I was not at that level of self-awareness and maturity to be on some. Let's agree to not be with each other like that's not where I was at in life, right?
Speaker 2:all the way where I was at, I was like, okay, cool, we can just be friends, no biggie yeah, see it was.
Speaker 1:I remember, uh, driving down the street and getting the email that you sent me nope, not that, nope that we ain't came to that yet we didn't get there, but you gotta talk about that we will.
Speaker 2:So we um me and my um sister girl, my um my bestie and and my sister q, we went to go see him at a show, him and his bestest and brother they performed and we were there supporting.
Speaker 1:Was that the Allure?
Speaker 2:I think it was somewhere else. Where was the Allure?
Speaker 1:Maybe it was the Allure, I don't know.
Speaker 2:I only went there one time for that show but we were there and then we kind of had a conversation afterwards because he was like surprised that I was there. He was like oh, thanks for coming.
Speaker 1:And then it was just kind of like you know, that's when we decided that we would be friends and so that not, yes, you're absolutely right, but again, I don't. I don't want people to think that I was being mature in that situation. I was just really caught off guard by you, um, asking for like what, like a growth in me, and uh and uh. It's like the things you wanted me to step up and bring to the table was like honesty and uh, be clear, and stuff like that. I was not, absolutely not prepared for any of that. So every time you was like just be honest with me, I took it as why did this chick always want to argue? It was like I remember that being the conversation outside of that event where it was like you were at, you were asking me like I want you to be honest with me and I'm looking like why?
Speaker 2:did you come here to argue? And that wasn't what it was. I was just trying to have regular conversation. So we agreed to be friends. We went um to ikea, remember? We took um juliet, we all went to ikea in pennsylvania.
Speaker 1:Another growth point because, again, as a single dad I want and not single dad, I want to stress that as a co-parent who was not in any relationship, I was just with my daughter a lot and I would just kind of lock myself in the house and let me be clear, we did not have dates where we were with juliet yeah, so that was not something that came later on down the line.
Speaker 2:Um, I was very protective of that side and he's as he should be, as he should have been um. So we went to ikea and then at ikea he goes yeah, um. So you know, I know we said we're gonna be friends but I think I'm gonna go ahead and date somebody else, and it was just like, oh okay, well, that's interesting. But yeah, all right, we friends, you know you do what you do. So we got back from ikea. He was all funky because I went the wrong way. He was trying to watch the, the Michigan game and he was all in a stint.
Speaker 2:So, I had came back to his house that same day I think I stayed and I was over there. Maybe not, maybe it was another day I came, but anyway I was there. And another day Juliet was there and I just seen him like hold up in his room and he was on his laptop and like he was like there. And here it is, I'm with his daughter, which, again, I didn't really spend. You know, she wasn't ever around when I was around, so I was kind of like some of the first communications and interactions that I had with her and I'm thinking like wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute. We need to think about this situation, because this ain't sounding right and this is not sitting well in my spirit. So we don't work, okay.
Speaker 2:And yeah, I said we're gonna be friends. But here it is, I'm at your house and you off doing whatever, probably talking to whoever it is you're talking to now. And why am I here? We're not having a friendship. You didn't went off and did it, you doing you. So I think once I really sat down, once I got home and really sat down and thought about everything, I was like no no, no, no, no and no and no, no.
Speaker 2:You are a diamond. No, no, no, no, no and no and no, no. You are a diamond. You are a diamond and I am not going to let somebody treat me like that. I am not going to settle for that. If he wants to be friends, we can be friends, but that's not what this is. This is something else and that's not okay for me, and that's fine.
Speaker 2:I think maybe I had hopes that things would change, so maybe that was the case. I don't really know, but I knew that what we said we were going to be, we weren't, and I was not going to settle for that. I was going to put me first and I was going to move forward. And yes, I had told him that I thought that he was my husband, but at the same time, I know me and I know that I'm worth more than that and I should be treated with respect and regard, and I didn't feel like that was what was happening, and so I had to move on and I thought you know, if this is meant, if, if God really has this man as my husband, then he'll be my husband. But God didn't put me in no situation to be anybody's next to nothing.
Speaker 2:OK so this ain't working and it's time to keep it moving. So I wrote him a letter. I do not remember what the letter said, and I think the thing of it is is that Jay is a nice guy. He's always been a very nice guy, but that's the thing it's like. You look at him and you talk to him and you have these conversations and we had amazing chemistry.
Speaker 1:Yeah, we did from day one.
Speaker 2:From day one Our chemistry was insane. So that wasn't it. It was like there's other stuff under there, like looking at him and talking to him you wouldn't think that anything was wrong, but like intimately, like trying to go deeper and have like more of a connection. That wasn't happening and it was just kind of like no, you are not. You are not what I thought you were. You're not even what you think.
Speaker 2:you are you know like no, you have some internal things that you need to take a look at and in the midst of that, I had some internal things that I needed to look at too, because am I healed? Did I go through all of the steps that I needed to go through before I healed, or did I just jump into something new without really taking the time that I needed to make sure I was all cleaned up and cleared out and ready to be in a space to be with someone else without bringing baggage?
Speaker 1:so not as innate. I think one of the things that letter that you sent, that email was a wake-up call for me, like there's no way we would be here if you hadn't taken that step. We would have just faded away right at that moment, right Like you might have came over one more time and been like you know what, yep, I was right and that's it, and we would have ended up being nothing. But you did take that step, you drew a line and it was a a big wake up call for me, cause, again, I'm a mama's boy man and you know, my mama always told me I was good, you know I'm a good kid, I'm a nice guy. She raised me to be good and nice, but those things are not the end all be all of manhood, and that's not enough. And you got to bring more to the table, and that was just the thing.
Speaker 1:It was really hard for me to know how to even do that kind of stuff. Right, like I knew you wanted more from me and I knew you thought I had more to give, but I didn't know how to do it. And so it was like and I know a lot of men find themselves in that situation where it's like you don't have the maturity, you don't have enough man in you, it hasn't been developed enough for you to do what this woman is expecting you to do to be there to cover her and you're getting benefits that you don't deserve. Because you're you, you didn't qualify yet and that's that's good. That's a hard wake up call and I know a lot of people just run from that and just keep running from it, running from it. And I thank God that you sent that letter because I remember that feeling of reading it. My first thought was like man what would my?
Speaker 1:mom think Like yo, like look at the words she said about me. Like that's the opposite of what, like you said, it's the opposite of what I thought it was, and I know it's the opposite of what my mother thought she raised. So it was really a really good starting point for me to be like what's the disconnect man, like what's what is happening? And you're not the first person to say those kind of things.
Speaker 1:you're the first person who was close enough to me and to say them in a clear enough way that it made sense to me to change me right, because people had like said more distant people had said stuff like that um, but you don't think about it when you're in the moment, right like I'm thinking about you know, I don't.
Speaker 1:I don't know how to be a father, so let me just try my best to be a father. I definitely don't know how to be a husband, so I'm gonna run from any mention of that. And then you show up and you're like why don't you have a healthier life where you can take your daughter places and enjoy things around the world and get out of the shell that you're in and be honest and be open and show up and don't just hide in this depression type state? That was all scary stuff to me. That was all scary and to me it felt like why?
Speaker 2:are you trying to?
Speaker 1:change me. I'm good where I'm at. You know what I'm saying? I got no complaints about just grabbing my daughter coming home, just watching some movies and that's it, and that's the limit of our life. I got no complaint about that and I felt like why you want to bring friction into that? Why can't you just come join this? Yeah, you know what I'm saying? Like, if you really like me, just come join this.
Speaker 2:No, I couldn't, because that would have dimmed my light absolutely it would have dimmed my light and and I was trying to pour some of that light into y'all or into you. Yes, and it just wasn't a good time yeah so we, we saw each other a few months later yeah, six was like six months later. Yeah, it was a while it was like six months, we saw each other at a um purple wednesdays yeah, yeah, downtown ls royal, another event that I had never been to before.
Speaker 1:Right like these is all places. This is the only time I went. Was this one time, you know?
Speaker 2:dope event where people could go and, you know, do poetry, and it was wonderful. It was wonderful and he got up and spit and Jay's an excellent rapper, he's a wonderful poet, he is just multi-talented with a pen, and so I went there with him again, my sister, my sister girl Q.
Speaker 2:We were there and, um, she was like, oh, you see who on the stage? And by that time I mean it's six months later, you know, I had been to myself, I wasn't dating, I wasn't interested in dating, I was really just doing really well. And I was like, okay, well, I mean he here. So let's hear what he got to say. And he got up there. He did an amazing job, like he always does.
Speaker 1:And I seen him and I told him and, and I kept it moving, yeah, and I did not, um, so, in that in that six months, like babe said, she was single and healing and doing these great things, I was not. I was a mess, right. So I just kept like crashing, I was doing the same womanizing that I was doing when she met me. Um, I had not figured anything out other than this is unsustainable, right, like this feels horrible and, um, I don't, really I was kind of lost. I was actually way more depressed than the first time she met me and and was way more in a bubble than the first time she met me. Like I was just locked, locked into my house. Man, just, let me just go grab my daughter, come on watch TV. So, yeah, I got up there, I performed and when I was on stage I saw her.
Speaker 2:And in my mind I was like I'm going to direct some of this towards her so I can get her attention.
Speaker 1:You know, one of the things, man and I know I talk about this a lot and it probably sounds contradictory is that, man, poets, we be on some F-boy-ish. You know what I'm saying, like we and you know I'm just self-aware enough at this age to say it. I know a lot of dudes probably won't say it, but, man, a lot of the reason we'd be up there is to get that attention, um, and we'd be manipulating that attention, you know. So, yeah, when I got up there, my instinct was me trying to manipulate that attention to get her back, um, and so, yeah, when I hopped off stage, I was like you know, let me make my way around to see her, sweep her off her feet, and I walked over.
Speaker 2:Remember yeah, I do, I do. And you said, I said hey, great job.
Speaker 1:And kept it pushing.
Speaker 2:I did, he did, he did an amazing job. And I told him nah, I wasn't going to be mean, what for?
Speaker 1:Yeah, an amazing job. And I told him, no, I wasn't gonna be mean, what for, yeah, what for? But she did not exude the energy that I desired her to exude. Right, it wasn't like oh, it's jay. I really missed this guy. I wish I hadn't swept him out of my life.
Speaker 2:No, sir, no, not that it was not that at all, because I had moved on yeah, I moved on so next thing you know, I get this text message Like is it okay to text you? I'm like who is this?
Speaker 1:So you didn't even recognize my number or nothing. I didn't, because I deleted your number. See that.
Speaker 2:When I moved on. I moved on Once. I was like done it was it.
Speaker 1:She moved on, I did needed.
Speaker 2:I deleted your number. I went through the whole gambit of emotions, through a breakup she burnt the sage in the house. I did not burn the sage, but I prayed strong and you know so. No, I didn't have your phone number or my phone, so I was like, who is this?
Speaker 1:I was like can I give you? I was like, can I talk to you? And I was like, who is this? I know? I was like can I give you? I was like, oh, can I talk to you? And she was like who this? And I was like, who did? I'm so crushed. But listen y'all, I am. I've always been more wolf than sheep, so I'm always like I'm going to assertively go for what I want, even if I lose in the end. It ain't going to be because I didn't show up to the game. So I was like I'm just going to call her man.
Speaker 2:He did, and he did. He called me and he's like can I, can I come over, can we meet up, can we hang out? And I was like oh yeah, ok, yeah, you can come on over, you can come to my place. And I'm thinking I know he don't think he's about to come over here and think that we're just gonna pick up where we left off, because that is not what's gonna happen this is facts, right you?
Speaker 1:have some questions that you need to answer and let's just be real when we first dated, we was hot and heavy, yeah Right, like premarital sex and all of that.
Speaker 2:Yeah, we were in it.
Speaker 1:We were all the way in. So, yeah, when she allowed me to come back over, she did make it very clear like that's not what you over here for, bro, we're not gonna go down, that we're not gonna travel that same road no um, but when I got over there she was watching her favorite I was watching my one of my favorites, just right just right queen latifah and common, who you know messed up.
Speaker 2:Right, you messed up, but that wasn't why I was watching it. I just really liked that movie and it just happened to be on. I was like this movie's a message, and so we watched a movie and then afterwards I was like this movie's a message, and so we watched the movie and then afterwards I was like, okay, so let's talk.
Speaker 1:Well, we forgot one key detail. Y'all.
Speaker 2:What's the key?
Speaker 1:As we were watching the movie, she was on the couch and I sat on the floor in front of her and she rubbed my head y'all.
Speaker 2:Yes, I was playing in his hair, I was. She rubbed my head y'all. Yes, I was planning his hair, I was, she was. Uh, I was. I think that's why he thought.
Speaker 1:I think that's why he thought oh you know why she did, why she remembered that low hug, it goes a long way, it goes a long way.
Speaker 2:That's what it was. So we talked we ain't talk.
Speaker 1:I got interrogated.
Speaker 2:Oh, is that what it was.
Speaker 1:It was like. It was like oh, that scene in Menace's Society was like. You know, you just messed up, right.
Speaker 2:Well, listen, here's the thing. You made your intentions very clear, why you were coming back around, and I needed to make mine clear too, why you were coming back around, and I needed to make mine clear too. And from there I told him that we would have to have check-ins every week. We would have a conversation just to kind of see where the other person was. You know, were we moving too fast? Do we need to slow down? Are we on the same page? Do we feel like taking it to another level?
Speaker 1:And then that way we don't have to worry about Do you want to see somebody?
Speaker 2:else. Right, let's be on the up and up, let's be as transparent as possible for our own sake, so we can have the conversation and know like, okay, this ain't working for me or it is and let's push forward. So we did that every week and we would just do check-ins like every Friday, something like that. And we would just do check-ins like every Friday, something like that, just to kind of see what the other was feeling and just really have a, not just to really have a conversation with each other, but to check.
Speaker 1:Credit goes to God, but I give a lot of credit to my wife for knowing who she is, knowing what she will and won't tolerate, knowing what she saw in me.
Speaker 2:A man of God.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and knowing that she wasn't going to settle for a lesser version of what she saw in me.
Speaker 2:No, because I did. I saw we would speak on the phone and I would get goosebumps, I would get chills, and I just knew. I knew God had something great planned for your life, that he was with you, he was covering you, and I just knew what I saw. I saw, underneath all of that extra that you know had piled up on you throughout the years, there was just an amazing man of God underneath all of that, just waiting to break free and shine and shed your light into the world, and I just felt like I don't know why you have attached me to this man. I want to be there. I want to be there with him as he goes through this journey.
Speaker 2:I want to help him shed some of that. I want to be help him choose that, that beautiful beacon of light that you have shining on him. It was just so clear that God had you covered. It just was, and I was just like man. I've never, I'd never, met anybody like that before. I'd never seen that. That just, god's just aura was just sitting on you. It's like man, what is that? Who is that?
Speaker 1:so, yeah, I mean, I saw all of that, I did, and maybe that was what made me say, oh, that man is mine yeah, you know, you know how they had a meme where it's like find you somebody to look at, you like so, and so look at so, and so you know it's like I, I hope you know, uh, that every dude can find a woman who sees them in a way, in a clear way, the way that you right, and not only can just see the potential because I know a lot of people date off potential but hold you accountable to grow into that potential.
Speaker 1:Even when it's hard and it causes some conflict and I'm not receptive to it. Hanging in there and knowing that the bigger picture is there, I think that's so important, man, I think we can just to put a bow on it. Man, I think one of the things we you know my wife talked about those check-ins that was a key, that was the basics for us. That was like us being born again. Essentially, that was like that day with that movie was like our baptism and we got a second chance and, um, I think those check-ins every friday was like learning how to walk yeah, you know, for both of us.
Speaker 2:Yeah, it wasn't just for you, it was for both. I needed it too. We both needed it yeah because we both had growing up to do it wasn wasn't just you know that conversation in the apartment. It was for both of us. It wasn't just me interrogating you.
Speaker 1:It was.
Speaker 2:You know what are we doing? Is this really do? We want this to work, and if we do, what does that look like?
Speaker 1:That's good, y'all Yo. The final thing that I think ends the beginning of us is Easter. It was Easter, right it?
Speaker 2:was Easter and it was another time after that. So, yeah, so Easter. Yeah, that's right, that followed right up.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:Because you hadn't I called you and I just happened to be having Easter at my house that year. So it was my turn to cook. And I think I reached out to him and asked him like what he was doing. And he said he was hanging out in the house and I was like okay. And I said, well, what are you eating? And he said that he was going to go to Baker Square and I was like no, you're not, I'm going to bring you a meal, I'm going to bring you a plate, and I had made like Cornish hens and all kinds of stuff, and so I brought him a plate. I took him a plate over so he could have some food not from Baker's.
Speaker 1:I mean, ain't nothing wrong with Baker's Square, but you wasn't going to have it that day.
Speaker 2:So I brought him a plate of food over, and yeah it was delicious.
Speaker 1:y'all Just kind of picked up from there.
Speaker 2:I was like this woman can cook. Yeah, it was, yeah, picked up from there. And so the next thing that was pretty pivotal in our relationship and then we can probably I had asked Jay if he wanted to come to Edgewater, Edgewater.
Speaker 1:Oh yeah.
Speaker 2:To kind of hang out and he said no and I was like, okay, no biggie. So I went down there and, oh my gosh, it was such a beautiful day and I was sitting on the rocks and you know, took pictures and posted them up how beautiful it was outside. It was just an absolutely beautiful day and I had sent him a message and asked him if I could come over and, like we had been going, I don't know, it had been a couple of months after we had had our initial chat and we were doing weekly check-ins, but it was still something. Something was missing.
Speaker 2:Like it was, like he's not fully in this.
Speaker 1:No, I wasn't.
Speaker 2:I'm feeling like there's still some resistance. And, um, I hadn't really saw Juliet now. I, before I met Jay, I was not interested in dating a man with a child. I had done that before. It did not go well, I was not interested and I remember being at work at the time.
Speaker 2:I was talking to Kim. Um, kim Peavy shout out to her because it was such a pivotal conversation for me. We were talking and I was like yeah, I don't want to date a guy with kids. And she was like why? And I was like I've been there, done that, I'm not interested. And she was like you don't know, but don't limit yourself. You never know who God has in store for you, and that person may just have children and you may be blocking your blessing because you got this situation that you had prior to this causing you to. You know, limit yourself in all that he may have for you. So open your mind up, don't be so resistant to that. And I was just like, all right, shut me up. Okay, I hear you.
Speaker 2:And so we were a couple months in to this new thing and we hadn't really had any communication that much with Juliet being around, and so I went over and she just happened to be there that day and I just kind of I don't know if she was still there, if, um, you were dropping her off or what, but I had just told him, like you know, I still feel, like you know, that you're holding back. Um, you know, and we kind of just had we had to talk about it because, you know, at this point we was talking about everything. No lies very transparent. We was just kind of, you know, let's talk about it. And that was the one area that I felt that, um, he was still very resistant with, and so, yeah, I brought it up to him and after that it was, it was like night and day after that it was.
Speaker 1:It was like night and day. Yeah, I think it was. I didn't, I didn't realize I was not all the way in and and committed to the journey with us yet, um, but the whole thing was still just so scary to me, like everything was scary. I was afraid so much and you know I know a lot of dudes don't admit when they're scared. But I've learned, I'm wise enough now to know how to talk about it. And it was fear. I was afraid. I was afraid I didn't know how to do it. I was afraid I didn't know how to make a family, since I had failed once. That taking that step to like try to solidify a second chance at a family was scary to me Because it's like what if it don't work? What if it's twice as bad? Not that I've multiplied it all together, you know. So it was like that. All of that was just a lot really fear-based.
Speaker 1:And when you, you know you were like I'm going to the lake and you know y'all should go, and I'm like, nah, nah, it really was just a lot of, you know, a lot of folks with depression. You know they just want to be in a house, they just want to be in a house. They don't want to go out because the anxiety can be crushing. So many things you worry about and you're scared of. So you just don't go out, you stay in, and that's what I was doing. So, yeah, you was like you. Just you were saying these words like you, you should, and you I don't feel like you're all the way in and I could see your mouth moving, but I just couldn't register it. It was one of those and I remember what it was like.
Speaker 1:The first day of my life I ever thought about the holy spirit because, like I've always been like, oh, you know the holy ghost. I've been hearing about the holy ghost since I was a little kid. My grandmother would talk about it. But that day I was like, is the Holy Spirit trying to talk to me? Like, is that why this is so hard for me to understand? This is coming from a spiritual place and I need to use something that's not my physical ears to hear this. And that was what I was struggling with.
Speaker 1:And when you went, went, I remember you posted on facebook pictures, right, you were like at the lake and you was just like looking so happy. You had your fro out. I did have a fro and you was looking so happy and the sun was behind you. And I remember I looked and I clicked on the picture and it was so clear.
Speaker 1:For some reason, looking at that picture was like I got it. I got it. I got it. It's like I'm so scared of this, but this is the world. You can't be scared of the world Like you got to go out and experience it. You don't know what's gonna happen, but you can't be afraid of the world. And so when I saw you out there with like it was like clear skies behind you and I could see the sun, and I was like it was just a really good picture of go out and experience the world and quit being afraid You're not going to be certain of everything but go for it, take some risks. And yeah, that was the push I needed, just seeing that. I don't know what it was about that picture, but it opened up something in my spirit where I could hear what the Holy Spirit was trying to tell me.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I mean it was amazing. It was like a light flashed on because it was like night and day. It was like whoa okay, it literally shifted overnight.
Speaker 1:it was totally different seeing him the next day and then thereafter it was totally different yeah, honestly, and I know you know, over the years I've had a number of those moments. There's a lot of people that have seen me now and who haven't seen me in 10 plus years or whatever, and they'll be like who's this? You know what I mean. Like who's this, and you know there's a lot of people who may have known me 20 years ago who are like we knew you would probably become this, but it is still. It's nice to see that it happened. Yeah, you know what I mean. Um, so yeah, and shout out to everybody who made it this far into the show I know we are hour in.
Speaker 2:We are.
Speaker 1:But, yeah, this is our beginnings, you know, and so many things tie into this right Mental health therapy, our history, our parents, how we were raised. We're going to talk about all of that in future episodes. Y' so stick with us, keep rocking. I hope y'all get some meat from what we're doing.
Speaker 2:Thank you for tuning in and you know. If you have questions, if you have comments, let us know. We'd love to respond and make this interactive, if possible.
Speaker 1:Absolutely, and you know, hit us up on Facebook. We're gonna have a Facebook page for this show. So get at us, let us know. If there's a topic y'all want to hear about, we're going to rock it out. If there's somebody that wants us to interview them, let's do it. All right, we're going to keep growing, man. We want to help other people grow as we grow.
Speaker 2:Yes, until next time. All right y.
